Exclaiming Exclamation

We’ve all seen it. We’ve all done it on occasion. But there are some who have a problem. That’s right, I’m talking about the writing e-mails—in particular the use of the exclamation point. The exclamation point is part of the English language, no doubt. And there are certainly times when it can be used appropriately. But, all too often, people use it haphazardly. The upshot: they look like morons. Take the following fictional e-mail:

hey jan!!!!! how are you?!?! i havnt’ seen you in soooooo long!! OMG!!!! We REALLY NEED TO GET TO gETHER!!!!!!

LOVE

emily

You will notice several things about this e-mail. First, the excessive use of exclamation points. Second, the conspicuous lack of grammatical correctness. Third, the chaotic spattering of capital letters and lower-case letters. Finally, the fact that I have used female identities.

The worst part about the e-mail is the exclamation points—by far the worst. The exclamation point is typically reserved for situations of great excitement or surprise. The event must truly evoke some significant emotional response. You can’t just use exclamation points for every sentence that has some emphasis. If you did, that would trivialize the exclamation point itself. Using the exclamation point this way would be like yelling every sentence. This would detract from the force of raising or lowering your voice. It would also convey false impressions if you failed to yell at one point or another. Finally, it is just plain annoying. How would you like it if I yelled in your face throughout a conversation? You wouldn’t, and neither would I. So why, then, do some people feel the need to incessantly insert exclamation points throughout their banal e-mails full of affectedness? The only acceptable use of the exclamation point, aside from the occasional emphasis, is for humor. Placing exclamation points in clever places can often make for comedy. This, however, is not something that most “users” do.

Have you ever been talking to someone who keeps mispronouncing a word, or simply mumbles? Does that bother you? If you said no, then you must enjoy annoying ramblers—such as crackheads or rabid homeless people who urinate themselves in mid-conversation. The linchpin of human communication is the ability to understand what another person is saying. If you can’t understand what someone is saying, you cannot effectively communicate with that person. Intertwined in communication are social norms: those unwritten (and in this case written) rules about appropriate conduct and form. Both of these concepts illustrate why typographical and grammatical errors are beyond obnoxious. When I talk to you, I don’t mumble words or pronounce “great” by saying that was “g followed by the number eight.” If I do, then I have Q-tips stuck in my brain—not in the shallow part either, I’m talking deep in the gray matter. When I talk to someone, I want to be able to understand them. Better yet, I want them to talk to me in a way that is comprehensible and follows certain norms. Do you talk to a child the same way you talk to your parents? In other words, it doesn’t take much time to make a coherent sentence, so why not do it?

Capital letters have emerged as “regular” in the internet world. Frequently people use capital letters to denote yelling. This is typically an acceptable use, since it would be hard to otherwise communicate this, except perhaps with some sort of parenthetical notation. This would, however, destroy the essence of force typically associated with yelling. More common, though, is the use of capital letters like in the above e-mail: undiscerning, slipshod, and careless usage. Capital denotes primarily two things: (1) proper nouns and (2) the first letter of a sentence. Stick with those uses and you should be find.

Enough of that. Most people are probably wondering why I chose to give my fictional sender of the e-mail a female identity. The answer is simple: women (and girls) are the primary culprits of these follies—especially exclamation point. I don’t have the time or resources to venture why women do this, but they do. It is a fact. You don’t think so? If you are a girl, go back through your e-mails (those sent by you and those sent to you by your female friends). What do you notice? Lot’s of exclamation points, capitals, and misspellings! Still not convinced, go through your female friends e-mails and your male friends e-mails. Still not convinced? At this point I, I suggest you turn on the T.V. to, say, MTV and watch a reality show. Are you still resisting the urge to conclude that I am right? If you are, then you might as well sit down and write an e-mail to me about how outraged you are. See how many exclamation points you use . . . .