Beat the Heat: Thai Hookers
With temps in the Midwest and east coast reaching record highs, many people are asking what they can do to cool down or 'beat the heat.' The obvious choice is water; whether running through the sprinkler or simply drinking a delicious perrier, water is usually considered the easiest and simplest way to keep the body temp down in summer time. If that fails, then there is always Gatorade or Pediasure.
This year, however, the mercury has risen so high that different, more drastic measures must be employed. While many readers may be familiar with some counterintuitive cooling methods--such as eating hot peppers, or drinking pickle juice--my suggestion may seem even a bit more off the wall than that.
No, it's not swimming pools, cherry icees or six flags amusement parts. My solution, brilliant in its simplicity, is not at all related to the ingestion of or the immersion of oneself in liquids. Rather, my proposition for 'beating the heat' (pun absolutely intended), is to take a trip to Thailand and engage in tireless sexual escapades with concubines. That's right, Thai hookers.
I know what you are thinking: "What does screwing a dirty five dollar whore have to do with cooling down in the summertime?" Well, if you are asking that question, then you are simply missing the obvious.
Granted these points may seem unrelated to summer heat relief, but there is a method to the madness. With a few logical steps you will soon see what I mean.
An expensive plane ticket, and the associated gambling and drug use expenses from a layover in Amsterdam, coupled with leave you will very little money upon your arrival to Thailand. Your remaining greenbacks you will most certainly spend fornicating with every available cheap prostitute within your approximate traveling radius. Meanwhile you are sweltering in the island heat of the Asia-Pacific region. Since the corteseans of Thailand are overwhelmingly diseased and/or underage you will inevitably contract a sexually transmitted disease, or end up in a Thai prison, or both.
At this point you will be broke, and the burning of your urination/the confinement of your meager Thai jail cell will be more than enough to distract you from the summer heat. Plus, by then it will probably be rainy season in Thailand anyway and most of the heat will be gone.
So there you have it, KMS' guide to beating the summer heat.
NOTE: I realize that this solution only applies to males. For women I suggest a strong douche.
This year, however, the mercury has risen so high that different, more drastic measures must be employed. While many readers may be familiar with some counterintuitive cooling methods--such as eating hot peppers, or drinking pickle juice--my suggestion may seem even a bit more off the wall than that.
No, it's not swimming pools, cherry icees or six flags amusement parts. My solution, brilliant in its simplicity, is not at all related to the ingestion of or the immersion of oneself in liquids. Rather, my proposition for 'beating the heat' (pun absolutely intended), is to take a trip to Thailand and engage in tireless sexual escapades with concubines. That's right, Thai hookers.
I know what you are thinking: "What does screwing a dirty five dollar whore have to do with cooling down in the summertime?" Well, if you are asking that question, then you are simply missing the obvious.
Let me lay it out for you (again, pun intended)....
- A plane ticket to Thailand is sure to cost at least a thousand dollars
- Thailand is located in a scorching tropical climate
- Hookers are almost certainly diseased and/or underage
Granted these points may seem unrelated to summer heat relief, but there is a method to the madness. With a few logical steps you will soon see what I mean.
An expensive plane ticket, and the associated gambling and drug use expenses from a layover in Amsterdam, coupled with leave you will very little money upon your arrival to Thailand. Your remaining greenbacks you will most certainly spend fornicating with every available cheap prostitute within your approximate traveling radius. Meanwhile you are sweltering in the island heat of the Asia-Pacific region. Since the corteseans of Thailand are overwhelmingly diseased and/or underage you will inevitably contract a sexually transmitted disease, or end up in a Thai prison, or both.
At this point you will be broke, and the burning of your urination/the confinement of your meager Thai jail cell will be more than enough to distract you from the summer heat. Plus, by then it will probably be rainy season in Thailand anyway and most of the heat will be gone.
So there you have it, KMS' guide to beating the summer heat.
NOTE: I realize that this solution only applies to males. For women I suggest a strong douche.
posted by D at 9:17 PM
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